A Kinda Rap About Why I Truly DGAF

Lowkey don’t want the people I love to read this, but this shit kinda fire

Preface: I woke up from a nightmare this morning. Pregnancy dreams are apparently rough on everyone, but being a recovered schizo they have a whole different kind of flavor.

I’ve actually despised dreaming since early 2016, and it doesn’t matter how many wonderful fantastic dreams I have it just takes one vidid evil nightmare to make me despise them all over again. My dreams are always very vivid. I remember the visual details of dreams I had as a toddler as some of my earliest memories. And I once went up to my 4th grade teacher and asked “What if dreams are real life and real life is the real dream?” I understand that it’s just some mini movie that our brains like to show while we rest, but tbh I DON’T FUCK WITH DREAMS.

Anyways, here’s the rap that my nightmare inspired:

I’m locked into the culture and I’m judging you all

From the way you show up to the way you like to big ball

The way you running your mouth but you don’t even mean it

Turn and shout to the void just to repeat it

“Look at me with my this; look at me with my that”

You be plugging your shit so much, you think you’re a goddamn snack

Something everyone sees and wants to consume

I’m a grain of sand in the ocean; I just drift with the blue

If I could live in a cave, y’all don’t think I would

With my TV of stone and heat from firewood

You think that I’m fucking extra but you bitches just ain’t enough

You watering down the culture and still call yourself tough

This is the fucking last time I call the world out on its bluff

Cause y’all I’m getting really close to just giving up

You bitches pseudo martyrs but never lived through adversity

I’m not allowed to trust my own brain; you think I do this all willingly

I’ve gotten psych ward booty juice, was an addict and homeless too

I’ve seen friends freebase heroin and said “hehe…no thank you”

I’ve seen kids put cocaine in syringes and inject them in their veins

I thought I WAS Bernie Sanders you bitches don’t know insane

In the year 2016 I saw TikTok in my brain

Except all my friends were influencers shitting on my game

Waiting for the Illuminati to come and find me

Take me to their leaders and make me their royalty

I thought the apocalypse had already been happening

But I was the second coming here to save us eternally

And I swear I saw the spiritual pathways to existence from life before

Circling my table rewriting Macbeth like I was starting a Cold War

But because I’ve lived it all it makes for some great ass rapport

Not many people turn to vegetables and live to tell more

And in the end it made me value all the things that truly matter

Fuck the money and bitches, chase the family you after

Surround yourself with people that love to bring you up

Drop the negative ass hoes cause those people fucking suck

Bring into your life the type of people you value

And if you value the wrong things grab your mirror, aim it at you

Look yourself in the eyes and change the things you don’t wanna to see

From those self destructive habits to suicidal tendencies

I’ve spent about a decade looking myself in the eye

I hated myself so much I destroyed my mirror and cried

Then I took every little shatter and put it all back together

With some glue and some patience, yeah I’m doing much better

If I make it to the moon I swear I’ll write you all a letter

I’ll send you each a package with an self embroidered sweater

“So click the link in my bio if you want to look HOT in butter yellow

Butter yellow is the color of the season. Um duh, like hello!”